Edinburgh Festival Fringe - On The Royal Mile

If you have never been to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe before, there are two ways to work out what's best to see. The first is of course the Fringe brochure. This is filled with every bit of information on the act, concert, dance, drama and musical entertainment that is available during the Fringe.

Sometimes the prospect of wading through this tome can be quite daunting, after all, I have seen thinner telephone directories, but once you understand how to use it, it is a mine of information just waiting for you to dig up a nugget of gold. In this brochure there is a list of venues, location of venues, the times and prices of each performance. Some of them are free, so it's best to check them out before heading out. Sometimes it can be like organising a military organisation, but it is worth it in the end.

However, if you don't feel like working your way through the brochure I would strongly recommend going to the free street events that take place on The Royal Mile. This is a great showcase  for the artists to perform 20 minutes or so of their work to the general public. This year it began about 11am and finished in the early evening, although times may vary. There were three main stages placed at the bottom, middle and top of the pedestrianized area between the Tron Kirk and St Giles Cathedral, for the performers and additional stages for other acts to perform at the same time. There were also 'marked' areas for street performers to show off their talents. 

And its free.

As you can imagine, if it starts at 11am and finishes in the evening, and there are a handful of stages, and each performance lasts about 20 minutes each, there is a lot, a lot, of entertainment going on. The great thing is it gives you a chance to see some of the stuff mentioned in the Fringe reviews and you a chance to judge for yourself if you want to go and spend your hard end cash.

No matter what you decide to do in Edinburgh between July and the start of September, just go and enjoy yourself.

All I have to do is dream... dream, dream, dream

We all dream. We go to bed, we go to sleep and we dream.

Sometimes, probably most of the time we do not remember our dreams, but when we do they can be odd. 

As I say we don’t always remember our dreams, but when we do we sometimes wonder what they are all about. This was the case of a dream I had a few nights ago.

My dream begins with me walking up an elegant staircase, with a think carpet under foot. I know it is thick because I am barefoot. I am also wearing a nightshirt and a nightcap in the style of Ebenezer Scrooge in the Charles Dickens story, A Christmas Carol. Do not ask me why. I have absolutely no idea.

I walk up the stairs, past the golden handrails and reach the landing. From there I walk towards a lift (elevator) and press the one massive button on the wall. The doors open, and I walk inside to see the walls and the ceiling covered in mirrors.

You may be pleased to know that the floor has a carpet; at least my dignity is safe.

Another feature of the lift (elevator) is the other occupant. It is Adele. Yes. The singer famed for her fantastic voice and albums 19 and 21 and more recently as the singer of the James Bond theme Skyfall. 

I then press another massive button inside the lift (elevator) and we move up to the next floor. As we reach it the doors open and... and... we see a troupe of mime artists. Actually, this seems to be the most disturbing part of the entire thing. Mime artists like clowns are the spawn of evil.

As the troupe of mime artists begin their ‘act’ I see they are dressed as characters from Geoffrey Chaucer’s “The Canterbury Tales”. This is strange. Why is it strange? Because I have never read, this particular work and know nothing about it. So how do I know what they are?

As three of the troupe move forward, they move into the lift (elevator) the doors close. Both Adele and I are now “surrounded”, courtesy of the mirrored walls, by multiple mime artists dressed as characters from Geoffrey Chaucer’s “The Canterbury Tale”.

Now, can anyone tell me what that is all about?

Just to be the man who walked...

Last Friday morning started cold, wet and miserable with a light fluttering of snow.

It did not hold any promise whatsoever and I was not sure if I would actually get the walk I had planned. However, plans sometimes need changing. Therefore, instead of the walk from home to the town of Linlithgow, I decided that I would walk around Linlithgow.

For anyone that does not know Linlithgow and I am sure there are many outside of and maybe some in Scotland, The Royal Burgh of Linlithgow dates back to medieval times and has a good mix of architecture and styles when it comes to buildings. It was heavily redeveloped between the 1950s and the 1960s, but it retains a lot of the charm it use to have. You could say it was a mini version of Edinburgh. It has no castle, but it does have a small loch and a Royal Palace.

It has a main street with some very narrow and sometimes tall buildings. There are a number of alleyways leading off the street into back gardens of joy and wonder and colour, most of these are private but the main one, which is open to the public is the town museum, Annet House, which I will talk about later.

Rather than walking to Linlithgow and getting wetter than I needed to, I drove and parked near the Loch. I then walked the short distance to the Palace to begin the walk to the West Port area and back. It’s not a massive journey, but it is a rather enjoyable one.

I parked my car in the car park near the loch. As I got out, there was a fine rain that threatened to turn into a heavier fall as the day went on. I walked to the water’s edge and watched as people threw bread towards the swans and the ducks. You’re not supposed to feed them, but it doesn’t stop people from doing it. I made my way towards the Palace in order to follow one of the historic routes through the town.

If you go to the palace just take a moment to enjoy the view. Even when it’s cold, wet and miserable. I didn’t go into the palace, that wasn’t the point of the day, but I did admire it. I always do. As you leave the grounds of the palace, you walk through the “Kirkgate” of St. Michaels Parish Church. The road is inclined, but not too steeply and leads down to the main street. Before this I passed by the Burgh Hall, which has been recently renovated. This was built in 1668-70 by John Smith, reputedly based on original designs by John Mylne, Master Mason to Charles I and Charles II.

As you I walked down the road towards the main street I always look at the plaques that list the line of kings and queens of Scotland and Great Britain staring with Mary, Queen of Scots and ending with Elizabeth the Second.

If you have very keen eyes, you may remember this scene from the BBC Television historical legal drama Garrow’s Law starring Andrew Buchan and Alun Armstrong. Some of the buildings doubled for parts of Georgian London and the palace doubled for a prison. I was actually there when they completed certain scenes and it was strange to watch it back later. My wife actually got an apple from one of the prop people. The apple was real by the way. No stunt apples on that day.

At the bottom of the road is the old town well, now no longer in use but spectacular artisanship from the stonemasons who made it. The main street is modern and at after passing a couple of shops I turn to my right, cross the main road and head along the main street.

On my left hand side, I pass the County Buildings, next to this the old sheriff court. The main sheriff court for the region has now moved to the new town of Livingston.

The weather turned slightly worse as I walked, but my heavy jacket, gloves and woolly hat keep out some of the cold.

The houses and some of the shops on this side of the road are nice. Some of the houses have were renovated but some still have their 18^th and 19^th century façades. I try to avoid the 20^th century ones, due to their lack of class, but it’s not easy.

Not far along the road is the local museum Annet House, originally an 18th-century merchant’s house. If you’re ever in Linlithgow I would recommend it. It’s a great look back into the town’s history and it’s free. Another great thing about Annet House is the decorative garden at the rear of the building. The title deeds of this building date back to 1610. Let’s face it, that’s actually older than some countries.

Again, not far along the street is St Peter’s Episcopal Church built in 1928. Churches have a great look about them. Old ones that is, modern ones just do not do it for me. It’s rather narrow in appearance, but nice to look at. This was designed by Dick, Peddie and Todd in a Byzantine style, this architectural treasure of 1928 is tucked behind the tenement façades on the right. It looks slightly out of place, but that makes it even more interesting to look at.

West Port House was on my left and can be seen above a retaining wall created when the road was lowered two centuries years ago. It’s a laird’s (lord of the manor) house dating from 1600, and was built by the Hamilton family. The Hamilton’s were very well connected and owned many houses in many different parts of the country.

I had now reached my turn around point. I kept walking, getting very damp due to the rain. I was enjoying myself, but was now heading back. My in-bound journey was a repeat of the out-bound journey, so I pulled my woolly hat down, zipped my jacket tighter and stuffed my hands into pockets.

I hope I’ve managed to make the walk sound interesting. Maybe on my next day off I’ll try and do something else.

Until then, I bid you farewell.

And I would walk 500 more...

I know that the weather is really terrible at the moment. It's actually snowing heavily outside, but if all goes to plan and the weather is decent, I will start one of the walks I have planned for this year on Friday.

Friday is one of my standard days off work and I really want to get into the walking habit again before the end of the month.

This walk is not particularly long, neither in distance nor in time, but I am not going on a marathon nor trekking across Europe.

This walk is simply a little journey from my home to the town of Linlithgow. All in all a round trip of approximately 6 miles. The good thing about it is not all gradients but not all flat either. 

It begins with a bit of an incline, actually quite a steep incline, until I reach the road that leads off to the local golf course, after that it’s all downhill for a bit. Then it flattens out and the road to Linlithgow is before me. Coming back, the way is just a reverse. I may spend a bit of time in Linlithgow being a tourist.

If my plan does come to fruition, I will let you know. 

In the meantime, I hope you get a chance to get out and enjoy the fresh air and the scenery.

I would walk 500 miles...

It is that time of year again when we make decisions about how we are going to improve or change our lives.

We can think of so many ways in which to do this, but one of the best ways in my opinion is to go walking.

The weather is improving. The days are getting longer. Why not take advantage of these things and get out-and-about, and at the same time get a bit healthier.

When I go walking, whether it is on my own, with a friend or in a group I always enjoy it. I like the peace and tranquillity, I like the fresh air and I like the scenery.

A great thing about where I live is the fact that there are many places to go and many things to see, all within a ten-mile radius.

I have a number of plans for this year when it comes to walking. Some of the walks are short some are long, some on my own and some with friends. I hope I manage to achieve all of my targets when it comes to these walks, and if you have similar plans I hope you succeed. If you do go walking, can I ask you to do something? Can you please take responsibility for your actions?

Now that sounds a bit strong, but when you go outside into the countryside, up a hill, up a mountain or down a valley or glen you can impact what’s around you in ways you may not realise. Another thing is your own personal safety.

If the ‘right-of-way’ you are using is through a farm please remember to leave gates as closed after you pass through them. If you arrive at a place in a car before beginning you trek, please do not leave your car in such a way that it obstructs an entrance or track.

When it comes to a field that contains animals, think about how you’re going to get from one side to other without annoying the wildlife. Cows are normally quite placid creatures, bulls not quite as placid, but if you get in their way, get between them and their herd or upset them, well... it may not end well. So, if you need to get from one side to the other, have a look to see if there is another way. There is a good chance that the cow was there long before you even thought of plodding through its poo. Oh, and do not feed them. Especially horse. If you want to keep your fingers, it’s not a good idea.

If the walk you have planned takes you across land that is used for “huntin’ shootin’ and fishin’” be aware that you might end up as prey. Take local advice, speak to someone, speak to the local tourist office if there is one, check out pamphlets on the area or visit the local library to find out where is safe.

So far, it has been all ‘Do this...’ and ‘Do that...’ or ‘Don’t do this because...’, but the main thing I should say is enjoy yourself.

Before you actually go walking, you should think about some things:

Decide why you want to go walking. Is it for health reasons? Is it for fun? Whatever reason, enjoy it. Never make walking a chore.

Decide where you want to go, consider the location. Walks – moderate walks / long walks / hill walking but know your limitations. How far can you really go? There is no point in saying “26 miles? Yeah. No problem for me.” then collapsing after 50 yards.

The recommended exercise per day is 20 to 30 minutes, build up until you feel comfortable to move on to something bigger.

Dress for the weather, think of what you need to wear. Is it lightweight clothing, warm clothing, single or double layer socks, comfortable boots or shoes? Will you need sunglasses, a full brimmed ‘jungle’ or ‘desert’ hat or indeed a woolly hat? No matter how silly you may look, it’s for your own good.

If, like the teddy bears you’re planning to go down to the woods and have a picnic, think about the following. If you are planning a camp-fire, firstly find out if you can have a camp-fire. The risk of starting a fire over a large area increases during the summer months.

If your walk is length and you are having a lunch during your walk, please take all your rubbish with you.

What are you going to drink – water, tea, soup, energy drink? I would not recommend cold fizzy drinks, due to the ‘gas’ in the drinks, they are not really a good idea.

What kind of food will you have on your picnic? Well how about bread rolls, sandwiches with a filling of your choice, chocolate bars (Mars Bars and Snickers) all to provide energy and nutrition. See people, chocolate is good for you!

Can I also mention some essentials? Well, I am going to anyway. Mobile phone (fully charged & plenty of money, a small torch, how about a small first aid essentials (antiseptic, small selection of plasters, bandages, scissors, tweezers, painkillers antihistamines). Also, and this is seriously important, a toilet roll or wet wipes, because you never know.

Right, I have gone on long enough.

All I will say now is get out there and enjoy.

Forgive my (apparent) ignorance and neglect

Hello tweeps.

I would just like to say that if I appear to be ignoring you, neglecting you or blanking you, that's not the case.

If I don't get back to you straight away or indeed in the same hour or even the same day, it's nothing personal.

 So please bare (I really hope that's the correct bare) with me.

I will, get back to you, honestly I will.

Thank you.

Yours, shamefaced, Jimbo

The Prisoner: Where Am I? In The Village...

In late 1967, a television series was unleashed on an unsuspecting public. It was the creation of, some would say, disturbed, but I was say genius mind.

The company that made it was called Everyman and the disturbed/genius mind behind it was called Patrick McGoohan.

His 17 part series was called “The Prisoner” and it became an instant topic of conversation. Several decades after it first aired on our screen, it still is.

I was only 3 when it first appeared, but catching it later when I was in my early teens on late night screens on independent television, I was hooked.

McGoohan, a New York born American, pulls off the role of the quintessential Englishman, clipped accent and all, to perfection.

The Prisoner, or as he is designated by the masters of the village, Number Six, remains an enigma for most of the time. Only aspects of his past are hinted at as the series progresses.

The series follows a nameless British representative of one of her Majesty’s intelligence agencies, presumably the Secret Intelligence Service (sometimes referred to as M.I.6) who suddenly resigns his job, apparently preparing to go on a holiday.

Episode one “Arrival” sets the scene for what is to come. The opening titles begin with a Lotus 7 sports car weaving through the streets of London. The car enters an underground car park. The driver, who is the main character leaves his car, walks along a darkened corridor, pushes through a set of doors, and begins a tirade against a man seated at a table. We hear nothing of this due to the wonderful Ron Grainer theme music.

The main character returns to his car, and drives back to his home. While packing, he is gassed by a man dressed as an undertaker, using a device that sprays a mist through his front door keyhole.

When he wakes, he finds himself held captive in a mysterious village that is isolated from the mainland by mountains and sea. So begins the series.

Numerous monitoring systems and security forces secure the Village, including a mysterious inflated device called Rover that returns those who attempt escape, sometimes alive, but not always. The Rover is possible a creation of the masters of the village or possibly a life form. It is never clear, but either way, it is one of the most memorable images, indeed characters of the series.

It is in the first episode that we, as well as Number Six, first encounter Number Two. This character is the Village administrator working for an unseen "Number One". The position of Number Two is filled in on a rotating basis; in the first episode we actually encounter two Number Two’s. The first portrayed by Guy Dolman (probably best known as Colonel Ross in the Harry Palmer films – Ipcress File, Funeral in Berlin – of the 1960s) and secondly by George Baker (now probably best known as Inspector Wexford in the British television series of the same name). This adds a further character dynamic to the series as each Number Two, in the first and subsequent episodes, causes different reactions from Number Six in his attempts to, in the first instance, escape and then as time goes on, to undermine the authority of the village and destroy it from within.

Both Number Two’s are different, but both are out to get information out of Number Six. The information they are after is why he resigned. After numerous attempts to escape, Number Six is caught and returned to the village.

This is only the start for Number Six. Escape may not be as easy as he thought but his determination is by no means dented.

This episodes ends with a photograph of Number Six zooming towards the screen and, on the point of being ‘free’, steel gates or bars close together preventing the freedom that he so wants.

If you have never seen The Prisoner, I would recommend it. To give you an idea about the rest of the series is a list of episodes and a very brief breakdown of each story. Until next time “Be seeing you.”

1. Arrival

After waking up in the Village and discovering his captivity there, Number Six encounters a friend from the outside who may have a possible escape.

2. The Chimes of Big Ben

A new prisoner, Nadia, may have information about the Village that makes an escape attempt possible.

3. A, B and C

A desperate Number Two tampers with Number Six's dreams to discover where his loyalties lie.

4. Free For All

Presented with the opportunity, Number Six runs for election to the post of Number Two.

5. The Schizoid Man

Number Two replaces Number Six with a duplicate to weaken the real Six's sense of identity.

6. The General

An important prisoner's new speed-teaching machine poses perhaps the greatest threat to Number Six's independence.

7. Many Happy Returns

After waking to find the Village deserted, Number Six returns to England but does not know whom he can trust there.

8. Dance of the Dead

Number Six tries to save an old friend headed for destruction at the hands of the Village.

9. Checkmate

Number Six thinks he has a means to tell the prisoners from the wardens.

10. Hammer Into Anvil

Number Six takes revenge on a sadistic Number Two for the death of another prisoner.

11. It’s Your Funeral

To save the prisoner who is being set up to take the fall, Number Six must intervene in a Village power struggle and prevent the assassination of a Number Two.

12. A Change of Mind

Number Two stirs the Village to ostracize Number Six, and then takes even more drastic measures to cure Six's "unmutuality".

13. Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling

Deprived of his memory and placed in another man's body, Number Six travels back to England to seek a missing scientist.

14. Living In Harmony

In an Old West setting, a law man who resigned is trapped in a town called Harmony where the Judge wants him to be the new sheriff — by hook or by crook.

15. The Girl Who Was Death

Number Six avoids the assassination attempts of a beautiful woman while foiling the plots of her megalomaniac father.

16. Once Upon A Time

Number Two subjects Number Six to a desperate, last-ditch effort to subdue him, Degree Absolute — an ordeal that will not end until it breaks one of them.

17. Fallout

Number Six finally encounters the forces behind the Village, but can he finally escape?

without the deaths and somewhat unusual methods of execution...

I have been known to mention, on occasion, Camberwick Green, or Trumpton or PC McGarry or very occasionally Chigley.

To some people, probably to a lot of people these names mean nothing, but they have been brought back to my mind by the fact that my sister has bought a DVD box-set of the aforementioned Camberwick Green.

This was a British children's television series featuring stop-motion puppets. It was made before I was old enough to enjoy it, but I have memories of it being repeated as I got older. It was actually one of the first British television series filmed in colour, a major mile-stone in TV history. Okay, maybe not, but something I think worthy of note.

First of all a quick explanation of stop-motion, and I quote “Stop motion (also known as stop frame) is an animation technique to make a physically manipulated object appear to move on its own. The object is moved in small increments between individually photographed frames, creating the illusion of movement when the series of frames is played as a continuous sequence. Dolls with movable joints or clay figures are often used in stop motion for their ease of repositioning. Stop motion animation using clay is called clay animation or "clay-mation". Thank you Wikipedia.

The series is set in the picturesque and fictitious village of Camberwick Green, Trumptonshire, The county of Trumptonshire could be described as a plasticine version of Midsomer (as featured in Midsomer Murders/Inspector Barnaby) but without the deaths and somewhat unusual methods of execution, (death by pitch-fork, death by wine bottle, death by drowning in a beer cask, etc, etc, etc).

The village is inhabited by characters such as Police Constable McGarry (Number 452), not exactly Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby (either Tom or John), but the sole representative of law enforcement none the less. This makes me think that there is an extremely low crime rate and my comparison with Midsomer and the surrounding area isn’t that accurate. But I digress.

There is the local baker is Mickey Murphy. Then there is Dr Mopp (who makes house calls in his vintage car, not sure if it’s a Ford Model T, but it’s rather nice) and looks a bit like a bespectacled Abraham Lincoln.

Mrs Honeyman, is the local gossip who is always seen carrying her baby. This probably suggests that she isn’t as old as she first appears, as she seems to dress in Victorian garb, as indeed do most of the villagers.

Every week the villagers underwent such crises as a shortage of flour; a swarm of bees; a water shortage; and rumours of an unwanted electrical sub-station being built in the village, as I said before Midsomer without the deaths and somewhat unusual methods of execution.

Outside of the village there is Jonathan Bell, who owns the "modern mechanical farm", who is a friendly business rival of owner of a creaking old windmill, Windy Miller. Windy is a firm believer in old-fashioned farming methods. He is probably one of those ‘We don’t like strangers in these here parts’ that you would see at the start of An American Werewolf in London. Or maybe not.

Every once in a while there is the appearance of the staff and cadets of Pippin Fort, a nearby military academy run by Captain Snort and Sergeant-Major Grout.

You see what I mean about the similarities between this and Midsomer Murders? No? So it’s just me then?

Anyway, one of the things I did notice was the titles of many of the programmes in the Trumptonshire series and how they would suit themselves to crime stories. Most of which fall into Sherlock Holmes titles...

1. Peter the Postman (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)
2. Mr Crockett, the Garage Man (or rather Sherlock Holmes and the Adventure of...)
3. Farmer Jonathan Bell (or how about Sherlock Holmes and the Disappearance of...)
4. PC McGarry (Sherlock Holmes, Inspector Lestrade and...)
5. "Mr Dagenham, the Salesman" (7 March 1966)
6. "Mr Carraway, the Fishmonger" (14 March 1966)
7. "Mickey Murphy, the Baker" (21 March 1966)
8. "Mrs Honeyman and Her Baby" (28 March 1966) The Strange Case of...

As for Trumpton, well the episode titles are as follows:

1. "The Printer and the Bill Poster" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)
2. "Miss Lovelace and the Mayor's Hat" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)
3. "Mrs Cobbit, the Ice Cream Man and the Branch" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)
4. "Miss Lovelace and the Statue" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)
5. "Mr Platt and the Painter" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)

As with Camberwick Green and Trumpton, the action centres on a small community, in this case the fictitious hamlet of Chigley, near Camberwick Green in Trumptonshire. Chigley is more of an industrial area, but still worthy of a mention. It also has landed gentry, one Lord Belborough and he seems to take up quite a few of the episode titles. So here goes.

1. "Lord Belborough's Secret" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)
2. "Lord Belborough's Lucky Day" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)
3. "The Broken Bridge" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)
4. "Willie Munn" (or rather Sherlock Holmes and The Adventure of...)

I think you get the idea now. Anyway, it was just another of my random thoughts passing through my random mind. Rather similar to the “James Bond” and “Cheese” blog entry some time back. 

And with that thought, I leave you to your day. 

Thank you.

TEXTING for over 40s

I must admit, that when I text, I do text in whole words. 

Yes. I know... "You text in whole words? Really?" 

Yes. I do. But I have started using some text speak which made me want to share this with you. The youth of today (wow, that makes me sound old, really old) have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. 

So here are some codes for the more mature 'texter'.

• ATD - At the Doctor's
• BFF - Best Friends Funeral
• BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
• FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
• GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
• GHA - Got Heartburn Again
• HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
• IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
• WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
• GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kickin In!

Thank you for letting me share my random thoughts once again.

After all, garden sheds are supposeed to be a bit messy... Part Four... The Plaster Footballer Goes Fourth

The Plaster Footballer Goes Fourth... or rather didn't.

It may have been the fact that the plaster in the pack was old, or damp, or something else, but as I peeled away the rubber mould from his moulded shape he began to crumble like one of the Nazis at the end of Raider of the Lost Ark.

I may attempt another 'arts and crafts' session when I have more time and fresh plaster.

Until then...

After all, garden sheds are supposed to be a bit messy... Part Three... The bit after part two

In order to make the mould rest I was going to need some cardboard, a ruler, a pair of scissors, a water-pot, and water.

1. cut out a piece of cardboard approximately 15cm (6") square.

2. Brush around the base rim of the mould with a little paint.

3. Press the base of the mould firmly onto the centre of the card.

4. Wash the mould.

5. Carefully cut around the printed outline on the card.

***

Moulding Guide

In order to make the moulded player I would need a small mixing bowl, a jug, bowl or suitable container at least 2.5cm (1") taller than the mould, metal spoon, fine sand paper, water, washing-up liquid and a cloth.

Then I filled the container for the mould approximately three quarters full of water. I then filled the mould almost to the top with water and poured that into the mixing bowl. After that it was time to place the mould in the mould rest.

Using a metal spoon I sprinkled the moulding powder into the mixing bowl of water until there was a thin film of water left on top. To be honest this did not sound that scientific, but hey-ho, those were the instructions.

I began stirring the mixture with the spoon until it was smooth.

Holding the mould around its base under the rest, I immediately spooned the plaster mix into the mould until, as per the instructions, it was a third full. 

I then had to gently squeeze the mould to expel any air bubbles and ensure all parts are filled. Too be honest, I think I now know what it's like to milk a cow.

I then placed the mould in its rest on top of the container of water then carried on adding the mixture until the mould was full almost to the brim.

I then rinsed out the mixing bowl and washed the spoon in case I needed it later.

All I had to do after that was to leave the model to dry for at least 40 minutes, or longer if necessary. And longer is my current option.


To be continued...

After all, garden sheds are supposed to be a bit messy... Part The Second - A Plastered footballer.

Let us begin.

The guidance notes informed me that I could “Mould a footballer and paint him in your team's colours following this step by step guide.”

Fair enough.

It then asked me to “Ask an adult to look through this guide with you before you start. Protect clothing and work surfaces when moulding and painting.” I should explain the reason I had this in the first place was because of a project that my sister was doing at her school. She isn’t a pupil, she’s a teacher, and it was on arts and crafts… stuff like that… any way, back to the plot…

I was informed that if my clothing was accidentally splashed with paint, I had to wash the “affected area at once with ordinary soap and warm water”, I use to paint and draw a LOT when I was younger, at school and sometime after, so the chances of me wasting or splashing paint were minimal, but hey, you never know. Any way, if I was going to clean off some paint from my garments I was instructed to avoid the use of detergents and biological washing powder. Oooooohh. Okay.

Now, like everything else in this ‘cash-for-claims’ society this simple little plaster cast moulding kit had the following: “Safety Rules for Plaster Moulding”

Please refer to the CAUTION on the back of the box.

1. Do not place the material in the mouth. (I’ll do my best)

2. Do not inhale the dust or powder. (Check. It can cause dryness, sneezing, and a pasty white appearance like that of a clown with no sense of style)

3. Do not apply to the body. (erm… okay.)

4. Keep younger children under the specified age limit (it seems that this kit is for children of 5 years old and above. Well’ I’m okay there then) and animals away from the activity area.

5. Store chemical toys out of the reach of young children.

6. Wash hands after carrying out activities. (Check)

7. Clean all equipment after use. (Check)

8. Do not use any equipment which has not been supplied with the set or recommended in the instructions for use. (Check)

9. Do not eat, drink or smoke in the activity area. (That’s not going to happen)

So, now that the Health and Safety at Work Act was dealt with, my first instruction was to make a mould rest from an empty cardboard box. Yes! At last some actually arty type nonsense to be getting on with.

To be continued...

After all, garden sheds are supposed to be a bit messy, aren’t they?

Currently I work a number of days on and a number of days off.

Don’t get me wrong, when I work, the days can be pretty long and I work (on every second week a Wednesday) every Thursday, Friday and Saturday. It’s actually quite good on my days off as it gives me chance to do stuff.

It can be really good, but there are times when I get bored.

Fine, we all get bored, but I don’t get bored that often, so when I do, I feel that I am letting myself down for getting bored in the first place.

Normally when I do get bored I will go out for a walk and enjoy nature and the fantastic scenery or I’ll work in the garden. If the weather is bad I usually have enough to do inside to keep me occupied.

I may also read, write, watch television or DVDs. I may listen to music, the radio or audio books. All of which keeps my mind occupied. Sometimes though, I need something else to get the ‘little grey cells’ agitated.

It was on one of these ‘a bit bored’ days that I was tidying up the garden shed when I came upon something I thought would alleviate the boredom. After all, garden sheds are supposed to be a bit messy, aren’t they? And this one will stay messy for a wee bit longer.

What did I find? You are asking. Well’ I’ll tell you.

I found a mould kit that allows you to make a plaster cast footballer.

You’re not that impressed are you? Well, maybe not, but it was the most exciting thing in the shed. And I knew it would help me out of the shallow rut I was about to get myself into.

The rest of this blog (when I get around to it) will be about my progress and success (or not) in creating a 15cm (150mm/6 inch) tall plaster cast footballer. And then deciding in what colours I would paint him. It may not be literary brilliance or indeed a riveting read, but at least it stopped me from having to vacuum the living room, the downstairs hall, the downstairs toilet and the hall stair carpet. 

To be continued... 

Looking before I leap. Even without knowing where I'm leaping. Episode Two... A New Hope.

A long, long, time ago… in a factory far, far away…

To re-cap…

“To be honest I am overwhelmed by the amount of work involved in this role. The number of tasks involved is pretty high and I feel it might have been better getting someone who was already familiar with the job, for example one of the existing trainers and replacing them with someone from the production area, or spread the work load between the other trainers, to slot into the job rather than bringing someone fresh into the role with little or no knowledge of the way things are done.”

On Friday afternoon I had a meeting with my manager.

Although my work has been good so far she feels that they are putting me under too much of a work load, especially with all the new starts coming in over the next few months and the new procedure updates.

So the plan is that they will be spreading the work load between the other trainers.  She thinks it would be better for me and fairer on me if I returned to my original work area next week, but has asked if I would help out Monday and Tuesday (1000 to 1800) of this week. I will then return to ‘my team’ on Wednesday, working Thursday, Friday and Saturday (0600 - 1600).

To be honest, I have no problem with doing this. 

And to be more honest, it is a bit of a relief.

Thank you for listening.

Looking before I leap. Even without knowing where I'm leaping.

About a week ago I was asked to go along to an interview at my work. An in-house position had come up and they wanted to know if I was interested. 

Why not. What had I to lose?

As it turns out, I got the job. 

The full aspects of the job had not been explained to me, because if they had I would probably not have applied.

To be honest I am overwhelmed by the amount of work involved in this role. The number of tasks involved is pretty high and I feel it might have been better getting someone who was already familiar with the job, for example one of the existing trainers and replacing them with someone from the production area, or spread the work load between the other trainers, to slot into the job rather than bringing someone fresh into the role with little or no knowledge of the way things are done.

I actually feel it was unfair on both me and the company to put me into this position.  I also believe there are a very large number of new starts coming into the company, which increases the pressure on who is taking on this role.

Also, the person training me was only available for 8 ½ days before she went off on maternity leave. She has been in the role for over three years. I feel that the time scale was ridiculously short to learn even half of what was required.

I expected a number of administrative tasks, yes, but not to the extent that I have discovered I have to carry out.

Next week I will tell you more about what happened today. But until then…

Now Pay attention... 007

A few weeks ago I heard on the radio news, it was BBC Radio 4 news so it must be true, that Russia and Ukraine were having a bit of an argument over, of all things… cheese.

Now, the Russian ‘Bear’ has every right to disrespect another countries dairy based food products, but I don’t think it’s worth getting hot and bothered about. Also, I think it would be a rubbish plot for a James Bond movie.

I mean, can you imagine ‘M’ sending 007 on his mission to infiltrate the cheese production facilities of the Eastern Bloc in order to save English Cheddar? Nah… it would never work. Then I started thinking, ‘What if key words in Bond movies were replaced by a cheese related word?’

So, in order to unburden my mind of the idea, I have put them in the following list as per the movies in order to let you see the kind of random thoughts that occur in my random mind.

• Doctor Cheese
• From Russia With Cheese
• Cheesefinger (which sounds rather icky)
• Cheeseball (or perhaps) Thundercheese
• You Only Cheese Twice (or perhaps) You Only Live Cheese
• On Her Majesty’s Cheesy Service
• Cheeses Are Forever
• Live and Let Cheese
• The Man With the Golden Cheese
• The Cheese Who Loved Me (which sounds wrong on several levels)
• Cheeseraker
• For Your Cheese Only
• Octocheesy (there is another option on that, but it just sounded rude)
• Never Say Cheese Again (okay, it’s not in the official Bond canon, but…)
• A View to a Cheese
• The Living Cheeselights
• Licence to Cheese
• Golden Cheese
• Cheese Never Dies (or perhaps) Tomorrow Never Cheese
• The Cheese is Not Enough
• Cheese Another Day (or perhaps) Die Another Cheese
• Cheese Royale
• A Quantum of Cheese

And last but not least, as it is still in production

• Cheese Fall

My New Year Resolution

Is it too late to say, Happy New Year?

Naw... so, Happy New Year.

About 10 years ago I made a New Year Resolution, and that was... never to make a new year resolution ever again. And, I have to say, in those 10 years I never have. See, I do have willpower.

However, I would like to say to everyone who has set out to make a life changing decision, good luck to you and I wish you all the best. In the meantime, I am going to stick to mine

"...what other ways can you sell me on joining Twitter?"

War!

What is it good for?

Absolutely nothin', say it again...

But what about Twitter? Ah, now that is a different story.

I was, I admit very reluctant to join Twitter. I had no idea what I was going to do with it, or indeed use it for. It was pointed out to me that I could find things out. 

Well, surely I could do that with Google?

Okay, maybe I could, but would I get it directly from the horses mouth so to speak? Well, no.

So I asked my friend, who goes by the name of Kemocs on Twitter, what other ways can you sell me on joining Twitter?

"Well, you like science don't you?"

"Yes."

"Would you like to see tweets directly from astronauts on-board the international space station? Or what Professor Brian Cox is up to?"

"You like stuff like Spaced and Star Trek and things with Stephen Fry, right?"

"I am intrigued. Sell me more."

So he did.

Not only did I see information and stories from people in science, the public eye and everywhere else, I also got in touch with and communicated with people I would probably never meet in 'real-life'.

I will name names.  Helen from France, Dr Watsonette, Judy, Jamie Mahoney, Claire Hammond, Nancy Scott, Elaine Wedgewood, Hope (you know who you are), Mrs Robinson (Here's to you Mrs Robinson...), the wonderful Wendy who has taught me more about autism than could possibly ever imagine, Tracey B (cupcake), SadieX with her extremely interesting  and incredibly complicated life, Sharon J, Seaside Sophist and many many more.

I have 'spoken' to friends I know and friends I hope I have made on Twitter. I have responded to and chatted with people like Robin Ince (if you don't know who he is, shame on you. Have you never listened to The Infinite Monkey Cage on BBC Radio 4? He has done lots of other stuff, but as the ranting science novice. he is tremendous).

Others I have been luckily enough to converse with are Barnaby Edwards, the utterly brilliant Clive Merrison (the greatest radio Sherlock Holmes ever), Reece Shearsmith (The League of Gentlemen) as well as Geek Gods Jason Bradbury and Jon Bentley from the Gadget Show, as well as many others.

I try not to bore people too much with my tweets. I try to be supportive and funny and kind. I try to reply as honestly as I can with my tweets and I hope that comes across.

I did not join a social network to be abusive and anti-social. That's not the point. I cannot understand why people do that, do not be anti-social on a social network, it's not nice.

Something else that has happened to me since joining Twitter, and I am so glad it did, was finding and old and very dear friend. I cannot believe I have found her again, and I am so pleased that I have. Hello again Jinty. May we never go that length of time again without talking.

Okay, enough of my ranting. As I say, I try not to bore, but I just wanted to say, I'm glad I made the 'step' and joined. To all my fellow Tweeters, thanks.

There's somethin' happenin' here...

There's something happening here,

What it is ain't exactly clear,

There's a man with a bun over there,

Telling me I got to beware,

I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound...

Woah! "There's a man with a bun over there?" A BUN?

Yes I mean a bun. A cake, a pastry, the small, usually sweet, breaded hand-sized or smaller, domed in shape, with a flat bottom tempting edible object found in bakers.


Why do I mention this? Well because over the last year or so these little but delicious items have been creeping into my system like sugar and dough based ninjas and making my waist size increase.

It has taken me a bit of time to notice, but they have done it. How do I know? Well the trousers/jeans that I wear are a bit tighter than usual and the holes in my belt are steadily getting wider apart. 


If I don't get to grips with these delightful little fat inducers, they may take over my body.


If I am successful, I will let you know. If I am not, I will float above you like a Graf Zepplin.


Have bun... erm, I mean fun.

Boom... bang... a bang

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

Well, all my troubles were in the same place but smothered in a cloud of shotgun smoke. Yes, it was Cluny Clays time again.

The weather was excellent. The drive to Fife was excellent. The food and service at Cluny Clays were excellent. And as for the shooting... well, as I said, The weather was excellent. The drive to Fife was excellent... As you have probably gathered by that last statement we didn't have the greatest day destroying small saucer shaped objects fired at high and low velocity, low and high into the air and across the ground.

As always we start off with 50 rounds and one shotgun. 

Sometimes it's just three of us, sometimes more. In this case there were four of us, my friend Phill, Raymond and his son William.

The sun was shinning and the wind was pretty decent, meaning that it wouldn't blow the clays or shot about causing us to look like we had no idea what we were doing. We actually manage that one quite well on our own.

At Cluny Clays there are 8 shooting ranges and Olympic skeet and an English skeet range. We started of at the first of the ranges, which is , logically, range one. We have previously started of at one of the skeet ranges and regretted it. If you start of badly, it can only go one way. Okay, it could go two ways, the other way being 'better'.

So, we started shooting. Boom... bang... a bang. It went well. We hit stuff... the rest of the ranges went well... we hit stuff again... we hit even more stuff... and them we missed stuff... a few clays were missed... and then hit again. And missed again.

To cut a very long story short the results were as follows:

Phill: 27 hits

Raymond: 31 hits

me: 34

William: 38

So not a great day, but not too bad either. The day improved somewhat with the purchasing of food and drink from the excellent restaurant. The food is always good and the service is second to none. 

If you ever get the chance to go to Cluny Clays I would really recommend it.

So before I bore you with more details, I will bid you adieu and wish all a happy day.